Dear Rat Bastards:
(I use this as a term of endearment towards our readers since we're all bastards from the same dying mother, aka. Earth.)

Let's take a trip down repetitive lane. These are mementos the left remembered before happening which the right wants to rewind. The Bush ratministration finally admitted their failure in locating WMD's. But we all knew that from jump street. The FREE elections in Iratq will make Ohio and Florida polls look like the immaculate conception. Again, foresight, we had it. The corporate army forced the economically forced volunteer army to abuse prisoners. Bend over, take it, rinse, do it again.
So let us, the reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaallll left, inform you on future fibs which the Wack House will spit across the Rose garden for your hateful pleasures.

WE MUST INVADE CUBA! FIDEL IS LIKE VEREY BAD. DID YOU KNOW HE LED A REVOLUTION AGAINST A FRIENDLY NATION? This willl be the battle cry, of course. But the unreported, pardon, the withheld truth is this: a Canadian drilling company working with the Cuban government has found oil in the Gulf of Mexico. In case you went to the same schools I did let me explain further - there's a part of the gulf which belongs to Cuba. It is reported that 100,000 barrels of pure crude are stashed in them there dephts. Which literally translates to 100,00 dead Cubans as soon as the casons roll in (BTW: What the hell is a cason?)
At this time I advise everyone to: invest on any airlines with routes to Cuba, rent a speedboat or a yacht, thrown on a Ricky Martin record, and dust off your Guayavera cause we's gonna kill us some cigar rollers. Yee ha!

FREDO: "How do you say Banana Dakiris in spanish?"
MICHAEL: "Banana Dakiris."
Brush up on your spanish like Michael Corleone and get your hookers lined up. We're getting the pearl of the caribbean back and turning into the whorehouse it once was. Sure Fidel is oppresive and counter progressive, but he never slept with a twelve year old virgin neither. Shit, life is cheap in that part of the world any way (BTW: if I hear one cocksucker use that word again to describe indigenous people I will personally perform an inverted trachotomy with my foot.)

You heard it here first folks. We're going to roll up on Cuba like a Cript on some unsuspecting Bloods busting out a 40. Someone teach the Buena Vista Social Club the "America the Beautiful" cause they betta play it duting the 7th inning stretch.